We all know impossible people. They tend to share three main characteristics: They cannot be reasoned with, they believe they can do no wrong, and they are convinced that everything is someone else's fault. If you haven't had some first-hand experience in dealing with such people, even a brief conversation can raise your blood pressure through the roof. These people may also be known to some as narcissists. Here are some insights and steps for dealing with these highly difficult people.
Steps
1. Recognize that impossible people exist; you will eventually encounter them. There isn't a thing you can do about it. The first step is all about facing reality: If you think you might be dealing with an impossible person, you're probably right. When in doubt, proceed as instructed below. The headaches you save will be your own.
2. Be aware that some people simply aren't compatible. Sometimes, a person who gets along with everybody else quite well is an impossible person for you personally. It is common to hear your impossible person proclaim that "Everyone else likes me." This is an attempt to shift the blame to you, so don't buy it. To counter this, tell them that it is a logical fallacy, or specifically an *Ad hominem.
3. Understand that it's not you, it's them. This can be surprisingly difficult, considering that impossible people have complete mastery of blaming skills. If you're dealing with an impossible person, you're probably being told on a regular basis that every conceivable thing is your fault. It isn't. Remember, impossible people can do no wrong.
4. Realize that you cannot deal with impossible people the same way you deal with everyone else. In some ways, they need to be treated like children. Give up all hope of engaging these folks in any kind of reasonable conversation. It will never happen. Remember what happened the last fifty times you tried to have a civilized discussion with this person. Chances are, every such attempt ended in you being blamed for everything. Decide now to quit banging your head against a brick wall.
5. Impossible people are particularly "fact-challenged." If the attacks have little basis in raw fact, dismiss them. You can't possibly be as bad as this person would like you to believe you are. Do not defend yourself out loud, however. It will only provoke the impossible person into another tirade.
6. Guard against anger. If it helps, consider the fact that your anger is actually a precious gift to the impossible person. Anything you do or say while angry will be used against you over and over again. Impossible people tend to have amazing memories, and they will not hesitate to use a nearly endless laundry list of complaints from the past against you. Five years from now, you could be hearing about the angry remark you made today (which you didn't even mean in the first place). Impossible people will seize anything that provides them the opportunity to lay blame like it was gold.
7. Keep your cool. When the impossible person becomes hysterical (and they probably will, as this is a common trait among them), immediately "turn off" any serious consideration you had been giving them. What they are saying now should be considered gibberish.
8. Give up self-defense. Understand very clearly that you cannot beat these kinds of people; they're called "impossible" for a reason. In their minds, you are the source of all wrongdoing, and nothing you can say is going to make them consider your side of the story. Your opinion is of no consequence, because you are already guilty, no matter what. If you tell them that you gave a million dollars to charity, they will say that you did it because you have a guilty conscience. If you tell them you discovered the cure for cancer, they will tell you that you just wanted the attention. There is no winning. Nothing you can do will be good enough. Anything positive you say about yourself will be interpreted as boorish bragging or self-justification, and you will be promptly "smacked back down to size" by a litany of negative comments and accusations. Impossible people view it as their sacred task to make sure you don't get the idea that you are worth anything, and they will act accordingly.
9. Maintaining a relationship with an impossible person is, literally, impossible. If you can't (or won't) make a physical departure immediately, make a mental one. In your mind, you've already left. The only thing left to do is wait for physical reality to reflect that fact.
10. Avoid letting the impossible person make you into a "clone" of them. If you aren't careful, you could find yourself adopting much of the offender's own behavior, even if you aren't voluntarily trying. Eschew blame entirely by understanding that this is just the way the other person is. It is the way nature made them by means of their environment, upbringing, experiences and choices in life. These things define the impossible person's actions, and nothing you do can change any part of their past.
11. mpossible people do not listen to reason. They can't (and even if they could, they wouldn't). You can't convince them that they have any responsibility for problems. They don't recognize (or if they did, wouldn't try to improve) their flaws for a very logical reason; they don't have any flaws.
12. Realize that impossible people engage in projection. Understand that you are going to be accused of much (or all) of this behavior yourself. If your impossible person gets a look at this text, to them it will look like a page about you. Prepare yourself for the fact that the impossible person's flaws and failings will always be attributed to you. Remember, in their minds, you are at fault for everything! They will have an endless supply of arguments to support this, and if you make the mistake of encouraging them, they will be more than happy to tell you why you are the impossible person, and how ironic it is that you are under the mistaken impression that it is them.
13. Recognize that they cut off or are cut off. Generally, impossible people have cut off relationships from many people: their in-laws, their own family of origin, friends, etc. This has happened because people distance themselves from impossible people or impossible people have cut off others. Impossible people have a victim mentality: everyone is out to hurt them or has hurt them.
WTF America???!??!?!?!?
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Ok, this IS going to sound Anti-American, but it's not. Not exactly. I love
a number of American citizens, and I'm sure they're not this warped.
I just hav...
28 comments:
Precisely put! That explains why Sharon Bowers and Ann-Marie Noyes get along. The rest of us should just ignore them and "physically" walk away.
Canuck,
I would like to respond to the poster of July 29, 2010 7:04 AM on the last thread ( AKA Strand posts July 23, 2010 9:11 PM and July 26, 2010 9:24 PM )
Could you please explain to me poster WHY, without any previous mention on the Strand thread about the EDTC nor the RACETRACK, you posted comments about BOTH saying that you "must be misinformed", as if to respond to a stement made by someone.
BOTH the EDTC and the RACETRACK were points that I had attempted to discuss in my REJECTED post.
Ironically, the Editor, on the SAME DAY that my post was rejected, and YOUR post was accepted about the EDTC and the racetrack, puts up her opinion on her faux newspaper in and article titled " FIRE TEFLON THIBERT!"
So again, let me ask you .... WHY would you submit a post commenting ONLY on the two factions that I addressed in my REJECTED post, when the ONLY two people who could know about that post was the Editor and myself ?????
You, have admitted to making BOTH posts, the second glorifying the Firehouse Chill.
I have PROVEN my case for the "anonymous" post regarding the EDTC and the RACETRACK.
YOU have PROVEN my case for Sharon Bowers posting anonymously to fakely glorify her own business.
My opinion remains. It is up to other readers and posters to form their own.
By the way ..... you stated:" You also accuse Sharon of blocking your comments from going on her blog. Well, after reading the many you have posted on here in I can certainly see why."
Please, tell me what posts I have made on here. I have made four in the past two months.
I have to make a correction to my challenge to the poster of July 29, 2010 7:04 AM to tell me which posts I have made.
It was 4 in the past 2 months, but with the post of a couple of minutes ago, that makes 5 posts in the past 2 months.
Crap .... now this posts makes 6 in the past 2 months.
So poster of July 29, 2010 7:04 AM, come up with my other posts.
And by the way, making posts that expose the TRUTH ...... is not a waste of time.
Canuck,
Your posting on "How To Deal With Impossible People" heading this thread is not only very appropriate, but quite factual.
It's quite obvious that Sharon is the main anonymous poster on her own blog. She's just too tuckered out from making a hotdog at the Grill for her dufuss girlfriend to change into her pajamas to write up some posts. That's why there's been none lately.
Okay, July 29th, 3:05 and 3:22 here is your response. I was responding to the topic of discussion with the heading "Fire Jim Thibert" on the other blog. I know nothing about your rejected posts since I don't admin that blog. Isn't it the prerogative of the blog administrator to not post comments that they might deem "unfit" for their site? Perhaps she viewed you as adversarial and didn't want the drama to be on her site, can't say really. You are giving me way too much credit for control over that since Sharon and I have only met at her restaurant one time and she doesn't know my name; nor did we discuss any of her concerns. My husband and I just bought icecream and had a discussion withe her about the various flavours available. Geez. I am just a person who lives in Fort Erie who obviously has opinions that differ from yours; and firmly believe that people can "agree to disagree" in a rational and non-emotional manner. That's democracy and what makes this country so great. On the subject of posts you have put on this site, I had also counted them at about 5 or 6 , due to your dead giveaways in your writing style.
Anyway, I'm going to take the advice of this blogs administrator and "walk away" now as it seems that no matter what I say you are going to keep trying to come up with some argument to prove you are right and to try to bring me down to your level; therefore there doesn't seem to be any chance of "reasonable" or "civilized" discussion. Talk later (not!). It's been fun.
You know, every time you post one of these killer stories, I go through the paddling gauntlet. Not only me, but my friends. But this one is going to be worth it. Luckily, my friends are solid.
Yup, your innocence is duly noted (not !)
Oh My God! An intellectual among us! The previous "poster" is sooo above us! Really! NOT!!!
Hey ..... I thought you were going to " walk away ".
Ya, walk, waddle or slither but go away.
It appears that the Strand blog has fallen silent.
I am hoping that the reason behind that is because the Firehouse Grill is way too busy for the Editor to attend to the blog.
In that vain, I wish her every success in her business venture. The lull in the bickering is truly refreshing.
Quote the Editor Monday August 2nd :" Our adventures with the health inspector have finally ended as we systematically addressed all her concerns,"
Quote the Editor, July 11, 2010: " The health inspector was in on Tuesday, the hottest day of the year so far. The only thing that she found that we did not correct right away was that there was a hole in the back screen door. That is the landlord's responsibility and it has been fixed."
Seems to me the rodent problem was bigger than a torn screen.
Once a bullshit artist, always a bullshit artist.
Here's the result of the July 28th inspection:
Facility The Firehouse Grill
Street Name / Number 4130 - Erie Rd.
City, Prov., Postal Crystal Beach ON L0S 1B0
Phone 289-241-1308
Date(s) Inspected
Inspection Detail
Actions Consultation / Technical Assistance
Compliance Category Description Result
Food Safety (Critical) Cold holding: 4°C (40°F) or less s.33(2)(a) Not in Compliance
Sanitation, Design and Maintenance (Non-Critical) Thermometers to verify food preparation and storage temperatures s.21 Not in Compliance
.
If I read the report correctly. Her refridgerator is not working at a proper temperature.
Not having "thermometers" to verify proper temps, is a no-no.
Food stored at a temperature not suitable for consumption is very dangerous.
One can only wonder what "the queen of slander" will do with all that tainted food?
I can't wait to see how she spins her misfortune.
Will she take responsibility or blame the landlord?
The ball is in your court, Sharon Bowers!
By the way,
where is that "righteous blogger". Can you revisit your favourite eatery and report back to us? If you are such a "foody", try everything on the menu and give us a critique on your adventure!
We're waiting.......
I received some correspondence from this Marcia Carlyn, and I was disturbed to read her statement which read " The mayor and a majority of councillors want to see high-rises all along the Lake Erie shoreline. "
So I wondered who exactly is this broad, and came up with a few tidbits.
Although she dotes herself as a Crystal Beach Resident, her primary residence is, 16341 Limestone Ct., Leesburg, VA.
That information came from the Huffington Post, a site that the Editor has frequently mentioned previously. The link is: http://fundrace.huffingtonpost.com/neighbors.php?type=name&lname=Carlyn+&fname=Marcia+&search=Search
She is a self employed "consultant" and her business is, Carlyn Consulting
19547 Fisher Avenue
Poolesville, MD 20837
Phone: 301-428-8911
Fax: 301-428-8905
Email: carlyn@erols.com (which is the same email address the correspondence comes from)
This information comes from this link: http://www.niams.nih.gov/About_Us/Mission_and_Purpose/Community_Outreach/Health_Partnership/hpp_mtg_partic.asp
Further, this woman professes to her specialties as : "Program evaluation, strategic planning, performance measurement, needs assessment, statistical analysis, operations & data management, questionnaire design & surveys, telephone & in-person interviews"
That information comes from this link: http://www.linkedin.com/pub/marcia-carlyn/11/610/689
Now why do I bring this up. Because, as the spokesperson for the Fort Erie Waterfront Preservation Association, I came accross this statement made by her>
" We now have HARD FACTS proving there is strong opposition to this high-rise project. Of the people who sent written comments to the town clerk prior to the public meeting, 116 opposed the Town’s high-rise project and only 20 individuals favoured it – a ratio of nearly 6 to 1. Counting all the proxies and petitions that were turned in during the meeting, the ratio is over 20 to 1 against the project. Any way you cut it, there is OVERWHELMING OPPOSITION to the Town’s plan to build a 12-storey condo tower at Bay Beach!"
This came from an AMERICAN website, Niagara at Large at which Sharon Bowers also chose to use her poison pen.
The link is: http://niagaraatlarge.com/2010/02/07/crystal-beach-condo-battle-rages-on-in-pages-of-the-buffalo-news/
Now, I know this post is rather lengthy, but the point I want to make is, this Marcia Carlyn, who promotes herself as a consultant, priding herself on statistical analysis ( which I know a lot about), puts out this type of garbage as fact to the public. At the very least it is irresponsible for a person of her stature, at the worst it is a premeditated lie.
Suppose we change the word "opposition" with "American". The statement would the be the ratio would be over 20 to 1 that the residents of Fort Erie are American.
I pity the fool who used this information in their OMB appeal, and if you were stupid enough to use the 95% figure that Bowers and Carlyn have been forcing down your throat m( 20 to 1 ratio = 95%).... well you deserve to lose your $125.
There is not a judge in the world that you buy that statement.
The truly sad thing is that two councillors have bit into these fantasy figures, proclaimed them in council, and as such are not worthy of representing our town.
THIS POST IS DIRECTED TO:
COUNCILLOR/COUNCILLOR CANDIDATE BOB STECKLEY
AND
COUNCILLOR/MAYORAL CANDIDATE ANN MARIE NOYES.
Your mentor, Sharon Bowers, keeps referring to, "Follow the Money".
I propose to you, that you "Follow the Links"
I hope that you familiarize yourself with these blogs and read this post. And hopefully respond.
You were voted into office, and swore an oath to the community of Fort Erie. Further, you are CANADIAN, and owe it to Canadians as an elected representative of your community, province and country, to represent them with their interests in mind.
We all know that when the Crystal Beach Amusment Park was in operation, that the town of Crystal Beach was considered the Western New York Playground.
The park is GONE.
Yet you continue to maintain the same level of attitude towards our community ...... America's Playground.
Crystal Beach has been afforded a fantastic opportunity to develop it's own identity. Yet you deny it.
An opportunity for the aged and disabled members of our community to utilize the walkways proposed to be provided to visit the beach once again ( which was posted previously by another poster which YOU ignored). An opportunity for the community to realize a growth in necessary commodities such as a grocery store, a drug store .... a Doctor.
A venue to promote artistic and ethnic values through the free pavilion.
Green space incorporated into the beach areas.
YOU have turned your back on so much that you community wants, and listened to a selected few.
" Follow the Links ". If you follow the links, you will find that every ..... EVERY ..... arguement against the development has an origin from an American.
" Follow the Links ". If you follow the links, you will find that every ..... EVERY ..... arguement against our .... your .... the council on which you currently sit, has an American origin.
Case and point ......
Today's discussion on the Strand Blog .....
The Editor Sharon Bowers posts about the developments of the Mildred Mahoney Doll House Collection and blames the whole scenerio on the Mayor.
Similarly, George Jardine, a suspected Stevensville Councillor candidate posts on his facebook about the same situation.
Quote: "Doug Martin is selling off more of our priceless assetts,the Mildred Mahoneys doll house collection, is nothing sacred with this guy ,the Bay Beach and now the Doll House collection he was the guy who killed off the J L Kraft Museum project that I was working on.for the South End of Fort Erie."
Ironically ...... Sharon Bowers is listed as one of his "Friends".
So I ask of you, are you truly representing OUR community as you had promised in your oath?
Are you influenced by the needs and wants of your constituents or by the boistrous verbal diarrhea which you have been sucking up.
Councillor Steckley, you have been sitting so far back in the background that I don't know where your Canadian pride is.
Councillor Noyes ..... if you continue your American influenced platform, I don't expect that you will have any influence on the development of Fort Erie over the next 4 years.
You both have been bamboozled, and have too much pride to admit it even in the face of your political career.
Prouder Canadians than yourselves fought, and defeated the Americans in 1812 when they attacked our country. Sir Issac Brock, Laura Secord stand with dignity in our local history. How will you?
So, would I be correct in understanding that the Health Department Inspector, on her first visit determined that Food Safety (Critical) Cold holding: 4°C (40°F) or less s.33(2)(a) was not in Compliance and corrected it during the inspection and tutored the staff os the Firehouse Grill of the procedure.
Then on the next inspection, found the same compliance not adhered to, and cited them for it.
But the owners give the impression that they are being overly chastized upon.
You don't comply .... you don't comply.
In the meantime, Bernie's, inspected on July 26th .... passed with flying colours.
But the Firehouse Grill AKA Chubbies Firehouse Grill (because they can't afford their own sign) calls foul play, because in their eyes they are soooooo much better. In the Niagara Regional Health Department's eyes ( which Chubbies/Firehouse Grill has already eluded to favourtism) ....you are NOT.
Hey Chubby ..... fix the problem ..... you got 3 weeks 'till Labour Day.
For the record regarding the Doll house Gallery:
1. The museum was a private not-for profit charity organization.
2. The collection never belonged to the town or was promised to the town.
3. Those who claim that it's the town's fault are probably the same people that never darkened its doors during its 27 year tenure.
AS expected, yet anothe REJECTED posst from the Strand:
"Yes Editor ..... pictures DO tell it all.
The pictures provided by Paul Kassay, a supposed professional photographer, do tell a LOT.
Hey Paul, my 5 year old grand daughter could have done a better job pasting the lower right picture together.
Okay, picture top left. What do we see. People "picnicing" omn a sidewalk. Try to walk through that party.
Hmmmm ..... 3 coolers. Yup, betcha all the stuff in those coolers was bought in Crystal beach, rather than have being brought from home.
There is a no parking sign in the picture yet the area is swollen with cars.
Could it be that those glasses contain alcohol? Drinking in public is illegal.
Picture top right.
The older couple in the picture, probably residents, seem to be having a difficult time negociating their walk due to the illegally parked cars forcing them to walk on the road.
Picture lower left.
Possibly more illegal parking. Comment to follow.
Picture lower right.
More cars parked illegally. Parking on the grass. As a taxpayer, I have to pay for the maintenance to these green areas, yet the beach gowers feel it is within their right to park there.
Okay ..... illegal parking. Desiganated parking is established for a reason. Not to harrass people, and illegal parking violators are ticketed for a REASON.
Look at picture left bottom, top right.
If your son or daughter was just pulled out of the waters of Bay Beach and needed emergency medical help, how could Emergency Vehicles get to him/her. There is a strong possibility for a fatality in this instance. And, with the right lawyer, the city could be sued for not providing unobstructed access for emergency vehicles top save a life. Who was at fault, the city or the beachgoer, who will parch where they want, then whine and cry because they got a ticket.
Yes Editor ..... the pictures do tell it all. But you wont accept this post will you?"
Looks like Richard Berry will be playing musical chairs again.
He originally registered for Ward Two, but when Susan Salzer registered, he changed to Ward Six, where he had no competition.
Now, as of July 30th, George Jardine has registered ( as predicted).
Where you gonna go now Dickie? I see there is an opening in TRUSTEE- Counseil scolaire du district du Centre-Sud-Ouest.
I mean we all know you can speak bullshit, but can you speack it in French?
Excellent letter in the paper today written by Peter K. Lets hope there are more like it to let the people of this town know what Noyes is really about...nothing but a front for the Bowers moron gang and we all know who they are!!
This post is diected to Kim Gallagher.
Kim,
You posted on the Strand your opinion about the doll house collection.
I attempted to respond to you post and it was rejected.
I attempted to respond again, but that too was rejected. Instead a beligerant post was accepted from another poster which fit more with the Editors hate blog, rather than accepting mine which was of a more reponsible attempt to continue your dialogue on the subject.
My second rejected post ( now I know why people save a copy of their posts sent to the Strand)is pasted below. I would like to discuss this further if you choose to respond.
*******************************
Rejected Post:
Well, my post responding to Kim was not abusive, nor did it refer in any way to the Last Will and Testament of Mildred Mahoney.
But you rejected it ..... WHY.
I will pose my question to Kim again. I would think it should be HER decision as to it's merit ..... not YOURS.
Kim,
Why is that every time a business goes under in this town it is deemed to the the town's ( ie; town hall's ) fault?
It would seem to me that if all the " kind and generous people of Fort Erie" supported these business' they wouldn't go under.
***********************************
As you can see Kim, my post was concise, repectful, and non abusive.
The Editor's actions not to allow me to respond to you post is not unlike that of a communist.
YOU have a right to know that someone disagrees with your opinion, I have a right to disagree and question your opinion.
In the Editors mind, she has a right to refuse us our rights. It is a communist blog, plain and simple.
YET ANOTHER CANDIDATE GOBBLES UP THE GARBBLY-GOOP.
Another 2010 council candidate has succumbed to the totally ficticous, doctored and completely rediculous 95% calculation, and premeditated misinformation prepared by the Statistical Analysist Marcia Carlyn.
It is unconceivable that these political hopefuls don't even take the time to actually understand the content of the statement, yet they want to represent us.
In a comment on the Niagara at Large article on the Fowlers Toad ( which is another issue that these so called advocates are totally speaking without intelligence) .... Stevensville Council Candidate, GEORGE JARDINE
wrote the following:
" The Bay issue is the albatross around the neck of Mayor Doug, Martins counci,l a council of yes people with no experience in dealing with issues that are sacrosanct and close to the hearts of all Fort Erians the Beach is holy ground to our people we every year would go to the Beach weather permitting since we were babies, this council is so obtuse they couldn’t get the point 95% of the people don’t think this is a good idea on any plane of reason, this is our birth right not a commodity to be given away, they just don’t get it."
This is the link:
http://niagaraatlarge.com/2010/07/24/could-a-simple-toad-save-bay-beach-%e2%80%93-another-%e2%80%98sign-of-the-times%e2%80%99/#more-2894
95% George ..... come on. Think about it.
It doesn't take long to figure out what Ann-Marie Noyes is all about.
Watch a couple of council meetings and you'll soon find out that she likes to hear herself talk.
Unfortunately she talks enough to lull everyone else to sleep. She also says alot of things but with no real substance.She must not get enough attention at home and uses her elected position to justify her being.
I don't think I could stomach her as our mayor. Four long years of her monologues with no one to stop her long-winded conversations with herself. Think about it. She would have the "gavel" in her pocket.
Oh yes, she would represent us at Regional council and at Niagara Parks meetings too! Could you imagine her as our spokesperson? Fort Erie would be reduced to a tumble weed town.
For the record, I don't support Mayor Martin 100% either but at least he doesn't embarrass us at those out of town meetings!
Long live our new "beauty queen"!!
Does Stevensville have anyone with a BRAIN to run for Council?
Berry and Jardine share the same thought process.
The Bay Beach Proposal is a perfect example of their idiotic proclamations.
95% of the residents of which town and of which country of origin are these two bumpkins referring to.
I don't recall any stats to prove their "assumptions". A couple of hundred people showing up at council meetings reveal a total population of about 300, if my calculations are right, according to these two fine fellows.
I thought that the population of Greater Fort Erie was approximately 30,000. Am I being misleading? Tout chez!
Stevensville finally gets a break. Larry Graber, a long time Kinsmen and community volunteer is running for council! Now I can actually vote for someone with real credentials and feel good about my towns future! Sorry TRG!
Controversial, yet necessary discussion posted on The Silence of the Toads Blog
http://thesilenceofthetoads.blogspot.com/
ENOUGH IS ENOUGH !!!!!
Has anyone seen the picture of Ann-Marie Noyes on her campaign office?
Alot of air-brushing, but what did they say about putting lipstick on pig? "It's still a pig" lol
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